Narnia
by Beanacre0
Summary: Nessie and Emmett break into Taylor Lautner's house and are trapped in the wardrobe. In times like that, there is only one thing to do. I hope you like it, stems from a conversation at school ; Now a series of One Shots!
1. Narnia

Just a shot one shot that was inspired by a random conversation during my free period today at school. It was so random! Lol. I hope you enjoy it ;) x  
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Narnia**

Emmett and Nessie stood outside the house of Emmett and Nessie's favourite male actor, Taylor Lautner.

"Remind me why we're here again?" Nessie asked, her topaz eyes fixed on the house before her.

"He's our favourite actor, remember?" Emmett replied, a grin lighting up his face.

_Nessie stared transfixed at the screen as the credit for New Moon rolled up the screen. "Wow."  
"I think Taylor Lautner is my new favourite male actor! Move over Johnny Depp!" Emmett grinned. "I mean that kid is awesome! He was great in Shark Boy and Lava Girl and even in his lesser role in Cheaper by the Dozen 2, he was good."_

_Nessie sat up a little. "He was in those? I have to watch them. He is hot!" She smiled. _

_Beside her, Jacob pouting slightly. "What about me, Baby?" He whined pitifully. _

_Nessie pecked him on the lips, earning an uncomfortable look from both Bella and Edward. "Aw, you're still cute. But you have to admit he was one sexy guy. Portrayed you really well." _

_Jacob ran a hand through his hair. "Yep, I really am one sexy guy." He said with slight arrogance. _

Nessie nodded. "I get that fact he's our favourite actor, but why are we stalking him?"

"Technically, we're not stalking." Emmett reminded Nessie, avoiding the answer.

"Emmett, we're dressed all in black and our standing outside his house with plans to break in." Nessie sighed.

"Ah, yes but we're not stalking him. Just breaking and entering." Emmett pointed out. "And we are _breaking_ and _entering_ because you wanted something of his. That and I thought it might be a fun way to kill a few night hours."

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Whatever, but I still don't see why you have to wear the wolf mask."

"I don't. It's just cool." Emmett grinned, pulling off the foam mask of a wolf's face. He tossed it casually onto the floor and looked up at the window above them. "Ready?"

"Yeah, might as well." Nessie huffed before copying the stance that Emmett had taken, a crouched stance.

They leapt into the air and landed nimbly, with Vampire grace and ease, on the window ledge. Emmett prised open the window and the two slipped inside.

Finally, they made it to the room at the end of the corridor and their destination. Emmett threw open the doors and the two entered the room of Taylor Lautner.

The Vampire and Half Vampire nosed around the room for a bit and Emmett picked up Taylor's aftershave. "I'm keeping this." He muttered, slipping it into his jacket pocket. "Come on, pick your souvenir and we'll get going."

Before Nessie could look at anything more the door opened and the man himself entered. At once, the two Vampires rushed with the speed of their kind into the wardrobe, hiding amongst Taylor's various coats and jackets that were hung up.

"He's coming this way." Nessie hissed, her eyes wide as she watched her favourite actor head towards her.

"There's only one thing for it." Emmett whispered with a voice laden with resolve.

"What?" Nessie asked.

Emmett didn't reply but instead threw open the wardrobe doors and walked casually out. "Wow, man. You have Narnia in your wardrobe." He told the stunned actor. "It's awesome!"

Nessie ducked her head before following her uncle out of the wardrobe. "Yeah, uh, great fun. Mr Tumnus is really nice." She said a bashful look on her face.

Taylor gave the two a bewildered look as Emmett skipped out his room singing about Narnia with an embarrassed Nessie following him. The door shut behind them and he stayed in the same position for a minute, too stunned to move.

Suddenly, the door opened again and the dark brown haired girl with unusual eyes entered again. "Forgot my sweater." She muttered, walking over to his stool.

She grabbed his sweater off of the stool and hurried out again.

"Hey! That's my sweater!" Taylor yelled.

But the girl was already gone and the door was shut firmly behind her. Taylor sighed heavily and moved to his cabinet to get ready for going to the club with his mates. He reached for his aftershave only to find it gone. "Where's my aftershave!"

Emmett and Nessie strolled casually into the Cullen home, Nessie wearing Taylor's jumper and Emmett applying his aftershave. Edward and Bella were before them in a flash.  
"Where have you been?" Bella growled.

"Narnia." Emmett replied with an innocent look on his face.

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Please Read and Review. I hope you liked it and found it at least slightly funny. Until next time, ciao xxx


	2. Narnia 2: Return to the Wardrobe

Idea that came to me at school. This is now becoming a series of one shots all focussed around Emmett and Narnia. There are 6 more One Shots left, each with a different celeb's house (Except for the last two)  
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Narnia 2: Return to the Wardrobe**

The Cullens and Jacob were standing on the set of Eclipse, looking around the set of Bella's room. "So cool!" Emmett almost squealed like an overexcited teenage girl.

Rosalie promptly smacked him over the head. The rest of the family rolled their eyes and began to nose around to the set. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps made the family freeze.

"Where do we hide?" Bella cried.

"In here!" Emmett hissed, pushing them into the wardrobe as quickly as possible.

They all huddled together in the small wardrobe, staring out through the slats in the door at the set.

The cast of eclipse wandered onto the set. "And, Take One!" The director called.

Robert Pattinson stepped forward. "Someone's been in here." He stated, looking around.

"Damn, I told you not to wear the aftershave you stole." Rosalie hissed at Emmett.

"I don't recognise the scent." Rob finished.

Nessie sighed in relief. "It's just his lines in this scene."

Rob and Kristen walked towards the wardrobe, Rob's hand reaching for the handle. The eight Vampires, one half Vampire and shape shifter wolf held their breath.

"What do we do?" Jasper asked.

"There's only one thing to do." Emmett declared.

Alice went into a trance like state and when she returned to normal, she whacked her forehead. "Great!" She snarled.

"What? What's he going to do?" Esme whined, fretting over what her mischievous son would do.

"You'll see." Edward and Nessie replied darkly.

"Emmett! Quit it!" Rosalie snapped as she brushed the fake snow out of hair.

"What? It's to make my story more realistic." Emmett defended.

"I know I'm going to regret this, but what is your story and plan?" Carlisle sighed.

Emmett just shook his head. "Follow my lead."

He threw open the wardrobe doors, Nessie groaning as he did so, and walked out, doing a conga dance.

Nessie shook her head and shrugged before grabbed Emmett's hips and following him out, also doing the Conga.

One by one, the Cullens and Jacob formed the Conga line, still confused as to why.

The cast and crew of Eclipse stared in shock as this family emerged from the Wardrobe. Taylor's eyes widened as he recognised the first two of the family.

"No way." He breathed. "There's more of them!"  
Emmett led the family around the set, pausing beside Rob. "Narnia's in there! And they're having a party!" He grinned.

He looked over to Taylor. He waved. "Hey Taylor. That aftershave is awesome!"

The family moved forward still, passing Taylor as they headed for the door. Taylor sighed. "If you can't beat them. Join them." He announced, joining the end of the Conga Line.

After the family and Taylor had left the set, Kristen Stewart hurried over to the wardrobe and peered in. "Hey! There's no Narnia in here! And I wanted to meet Mr Tumnus."

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Please Read and Review. I hope you are enjoying these. My friends have been :) Next One shot: Emmett, Taylor and Kellan break into Johnny Depp's house


	3. Narnia 3: Wardrobe Troubles

This story has a bit of a twist in it. I hope you enjoy it :)  
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Narnia 3: Wardrobe Trouble**

Emmett sat on the sofa in Taylor Lautner's living room, staring out to space with a bored look. "So…" He trailed off.

"Yeah." Taylor sighed, sitting next to his new friend.

"Do you want to go look at some celebrities?" Emmett asked.

"Like who?" Taylor frowned.

"Johnny Depp?" Emmett suggested.

"Great idea! I'll call Kellan. He's his favourite actor too." Taylor grinned, pulling out his mobile.

Within the hour, the doorbell was ringing and Taylor had answered the door to see Kellan Lutz.

"Hey man." Kellan greeted.

Emmett stood in front of him, his topaz eyes scanning his actor's face. "Wow! It's like looking in a mirror."

Kellan stepped back a little. Taylor grinned. "Don't worry. That's just Emmett." He told Kellan.

"Oh! Hey." Kellan shook hands with Emmett. "Taylor said something about visiting Johnny Depp?"

"More like stalking him." Taylor replied.

"No! Not _stalking_. Breaking and entering his home." Emmett defended his actions.

"Cool. Let's go." Kellan chuckled.

The three men stood in the Johnny Depp's house, Emmett breaking them in. "Wow. It's so…pink!" Kellan muttered.

"Actually, it's more light red." Emmett replied, looking around the star's bedroom and putting Johnny's aftershave in his pocket.

There was a loud thundering of footsteps and a buzz of radios coming up the stairs and Emmett's eyes widened. "Security. Quick, in the wardrobe!"

The three men hurried over to the wardrobe and pulled it open. They froze. "Hello."

Emmett's eyebrows rose as he looked down at the man hiding in the wardrobe.

It was Johnny Depp, but he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow and had a bottle of rum clutched in his swaying hand.

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Are you looking for Narnia or are you just obsessed fans planning to hide in here from security?" Johnny said with a slight slur.

"Uh, we're looking for Narnia." Emmett replied.

"It's not here. I looked. I've been in here for three days just in case." Johnny grinned.  
"Okay, we'll be going." Kellan said awkwardly.

"Try next door. I hear plenty of kids there." Johnny suggested.

"Who lives there?" Taylor asked.

"Brad and Angelina." Johnny sighed, taking a swig of the rum he still held.

"Well, we'll be off then." Emmett told him.

"Bye! I'll let you know if Narnia turns up!" Johnny called after them as they hurried out of the room.

"Do you want to look in their wardrobe anyway?" Kellan said as they walked across the lawn of Johnny Depp's house.

"Why not? Kill a few hours." Emmett agreed.

They snuck into Brad and Angelina's house and crept up into their room, Emmett nicking Angelina's perfume for Rosalie.

They pulled open the wardrobe and gasped at the sight that lay before them.

"So the rumours are true!" Kellan whispered.

A small African child looked up at them. "Help me."

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Please Read and Review. This was suggested to me by one of my friends. I hope you liked it. Next One Shot: Emmett, Alice and Taylor break into Simon Cowell's house.


	4. Narnia 4: Wardrobe Fans

I hope you are enjoying the randomness of these one shots so far but this one isn't as funny *pouts sadly*, but I hope you still like it :)  
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Narnia 4: Wardrobe Fans**

Once more, Emmett found himself dressed in completely black clothes, this time sans the wolf mask. In it's place was a mask of Simon Cowell, the man he was stalking this time.

"Remind me why we are stalking Simon Cowell? Besides, isn't he in England?" Alice asked.

"For the love of, it's not stalking!" Emmett cried, exasperated. "It's _breaking_ and _entering_!"

"You have a problem." Taylor muttered, somehow finding himself being dragged along for the ride.

"More like an unhealthy addiction." Alice agreed.

"Hey! I'm not doing drugs! Just breaking into celebrities homes!" Emmett protested.

Alice and Taylor shared a look. "Addict." They said.

"Look can we just break and enter this guy's home already?" Emmett snapped, pouting behind his Simon Cowell mask.

"Fine. Let's go." Alice sighed.

Emmett swung Taylor into his arms and the two Vampire leapt up onto the window ledge and slipped inside.

They soon found Simon's room and began to nose around. "Hmm, I'm taking this, this and, oh Jasper would look so handsome in this!" Alice mused as she began picking up souvenirs.

Suddenly, she went stock still and a vision passed in front of her eyes.

_Simon walked up his stairs and reached out for the handle of his bedroom. He pushed it open and gaped at the several people before him. "Um, Hey." Emmett smiled, putting his aftershave in his pocket, another habit he had picked up. _

"_Get out of my house." Simon growled. _

"Ali? Hello?" Emmett called, waving his hand in front of an unseeing Alice's face.

"Quit it!" Alice hissed, grabbing his wrist. "Simon is coming upstairs. We don't have time to get out."

"Damn! What do we d…." Taylor began.

Alice slapped a hand over his mouth. "Don't say it. Please! You know what happens."

"Let's hide in the wardrobe!" Emmett called, heading towards the wardrobe already.

"Too late." Alice muttered darkly.

They slipped inside and froze.

Hundreds of pictures of Simon Cowell covered the inside of his wardrobe. You couldn't see an inch of the wood under the mountain of pictures.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's not Narnia." She remarked.

"It's kind of creepy really." Taylor added.

Emmett peeked through the gap of the doors and gasped quietly. "He's coming over here!"  
"We are not leaving here saying it's Narnia!" Taylor hissed. "No way am I doing that again!" He spat.

Emmett pouted. "What are you, Psychic?"

"No, just you have done it enough times." Taylor replied.

"Fine." Emmett sighed. "I have an Idea though!"

Simon threw open his wardrobe and began to stare at the pictures of himself. He grinned widely and turned on the CD player that was beside his bed.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it hurts!" He sang, dancing as he looked at the pictures of himself.

After the song ended, he straightened himself up, closed his wardrobe and walked out of the room, turning off the CD player.

In the wardrobe, three pairs of black gloves reached up and removed a picture from their owners' faces.

"That was lucky." Emmett sighed, relived that his plan of blending in with the Simon Cowell masks worked.

"I'm scarred!" Taylor whined.

"Me too!" Alice agreed, covering her eyes.

"Let's go." Emmett whispered, running out of the room with Alice, who was carrying Taylor, behind him.

He doubled back for a moment and nicked the aftershave sat on Simon's desk before escaping the house.

"I'm Johnny Depp and I have not looked for Narnia for four days. I also have not thought of myself as Jack Sparrow in about a week." Johnny Depp sighed as he sat in his chair.

The group of people surrounding them in the therapy session cheered him. "Well done Johnny, now onto Emmett." The councillor of the group smiled.

"Hi, I'm Emmett Cullen and I'm an Addict." Emmett stated with a small wave to the group of people around him.

"Hi Emmett." The group chorused.

"What is your addiction Emmett?" The Councillor asked.

"I like to break into celebrities' homes and steal their aftershave." Emmett admitted, sobbing like a little girl. "And that's not the worst of it! I still can't find Narnia!"

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Please Read and Review. I hope you enjoyed this one and the next one should be up soon (if I can get my funny bone in gear). Next One Shot: Emmett cracks and breaks into Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' home and finds something interesting in the wardrobe.


	5. Narnia 5: Prisioner of Wardrobes

This one is a bit longer. I hope you like it and let me know that you think :) Only four left to do.  
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Narnia 5: Prisoner of Wardrobes**

It had been a few months since Emmett had started the Addicts Program and made a pact never to break and enter, which he finally admitted was stalking, another Celebrities' house again.

Rosalie was led on their bed as Emmett surfed the internet for random things, such as a candle as bright as a million candles; He had been watching a new welsh comedian Nessie had told him about called Rhod Gilbert on Youtube

Rosalie turned the page and laughed quietly.

"What?" Emmett asked, eager to know.

"Nothing. Just this article." Rosalie assured her husband, waving her hand in dismissal.

"Tell me!" Emmett whined.

"Fine. It's just joking around about Katie Holmes being locked up in her husbands Ward…robe." Rosalie trailed off as she caught sight of that familiar glint in Emmett's eye.

"No!" She cried, standing suddenly. "No! No! No! Whatever you are thinking no!"

"But Rosie, I was only suggesting we go see if the article is true!" Emmett begged.

"Emmett, remember your pact!" Rosalie hissed, her eyes narrowing at him.

"Eh, rules are made to be broken." Emmett shrugged.

"That was a promise, not a rule." Rosalie replied.

"Eh, Promises are made to be broken." Emmett changed the sentence from before.

He dashed out of the room. "TAYLOR! We're going on a little field trip!" He cried as he went.

Rosalie buried her head into her hands. "This is not going to end well. Not well at all."

So once, more the two men were kitted out all in black this time with Rosalie, who was also in black. "This is stupid. Can't we just go home?" Rosalie huffed.

Taylor sighed sadly. "Nothing can stop Emmett. It's best to go with him and make sure he doesn't get into trouble."

"True." Rosalie agreed just as sadly.

"Come on, smile! We're about to make history. Besides, we might find Narnia!" Emmett encouraged.

Rosalie just smacked a hand onto her forehead. "For the love of…Emmett, there is no Narnia. It was just a story written by C.S Lewis years ago." She said.

Emmett shrugged. "It might be real. Never know."

"No." Rosalie replied. "Don't ever think of that. Just hurry up and get us inside. The sooner we get in the sooner we can get out and go home again."

She paused for a moment in thoughtful contemplation. "And you can go back to the Addicts Group."

Emmett pouted but scooped Taylor up and the two used their speed to get into the house.

Emmett tip toed through the house, using the shadows as cover, humming Mission Impossible as he went.

Rosalie just strolled with Taylor right past him, causing Emmett to whine a little. "You ruined my fantasy!" He cried in a hushed tone.

"Grow up." Rosalie huffed, annoyed that her husband was Ninety-five years old and he still acted like a five year old.

Emmett pouted, but followed them into the bedroom of Katie and Tom, the lair itself.

Emmett immediately found the aftershave and picked it off of the dressing table, slipping it into his pocket.

They, like numerous times before, nosed around before Rosalie marched over to the wardrobe.

She opened it and peered in. It all seemed very normal.

Emmett suddenly pushed her inside and yanked Taylor into the Wardrobe by his t-shirt. "What's going on?" Taylor hissed in a slightly chocked voice.

"Tom is coming upstairs." Emmett replied.

"Tom Riddle, Aka Lord Voldemort? We're doomed!" Taylor exclaimed in a hushed, yet dramatic, tone.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Dude, you've been reading and watching too much Harry Potter. I meant Tom Cruise."

Taylor blushed lightly. "I knew that."

They stayed trapped in the wardrobe for what seemed like eternity, listening to Tom move around outside the confines of the Wardrobe they were hiding in.

"Why do I always get into these situations with you?" Rosalie muttered, glaring at Emmett.

"You have to admit," Emmett breathed as he leaned closer to Rosalie and put his hands on her hips. "It's kind of hot."

"Ew, not the time guys!" Taylor protested. "Tom Cruise is coming this way!"

The three backed further into the wardrobe and Taylor accidently hit a switch.

The back of the Wardrobe came away and a small room was revealed. They backed into it further.

"Ahh!" Taylor screamed in a rather girlish way. "Something touched my leg!"

They looked down to see Katie Holmes, tethered to the wall. "Help me. My Husband keeps me here!" She whispered.

Rosalie gasped. "The rumours are true."

"Yes, now help me get out!" Katie insisted.

"Can I have your autograph?" Rosalie asked.

"Maybe when you've help me escape." Katie hinted, her eyes widening slightly in exasperation.

"Uh, okay." Emmett replied, reaching over and awkwardly breaking the thick rope binding her to the wall.

"I'm free!" Katie cried, running forward. She tripped and her legs became encased in stocks bolted to the floor. "Damn."

"Hey, we're going to go!" Emmett said hurriedly, ushering his friend and wife out of the wardrobe.

He shot past Tom, leading Rosalie and Taylor as he went. He paused and doubled back quickly. "Dude, what ever you have in there, it's not Narnia!"

The three were finally back at the Cullen House. Emmett placed Tom Cruise's aftershave amongst the others he had collected over his nearly a hundred years. "I'm never going to find Narnia and go on a fantastical journey." He sighed sadly.

Rosalie got up from her seat on the bed. "I give up! You explain to him Narnia isn't real. Just like Santa!"

"Santa isn't real?" Taylor asked in a small, stricken voice.

Rosalie let out a small growl and stormed from the room. "Men!"

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Please Read and Review. I hope you are enjoying this. If you are, check out the Adventures of Emmett. Next One Shot: They go to Britney Spears' house. Opps, he did it again.


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